Yea, sing it as if you're singing funky town. We know you do in the shower. Alright, it's 8:50am and I got time to write. We got on the bus at 8:15am and told it takes 3 hours to Tay Ninh. So glad I'm not going all the way to Katum for dirt, I won't lose any sleep settling for Tay Ninh. Plan is to piss break, hit Tay Ninh for an hour and see mass at this temple at noon, truck it to Cu Chi, watch a movie, walk in the hungle and go through a tunnel, then back to Saigon for 6-6:30pm. If we get two piss breaks I'll use one and dig up some dirt during the other. We have a small group and most are Vietnamese and Flippino. It's just me and a German couple reppin for the whities yall. It's almost been an hour and we're still in the city haha. Guide gave some info on the town. Saigon is mostly Ward 1 and 3 (Town is split into 12 wards), as 1 and 3 make up the downtown core, Ho Chi Minh City is the outercore. Later we learned at Cu Chi that the US evacuated the area and sent the people to strategic hamlets just outside of Saigon, in the area which is now Ho Chi Minh City, North of Tan Son Nhut Airport and west of Di An and Lai Khe which were 1st Infantry Division camps. More or less the people moved from their homes were in secure areas surrounded by 50,000 US Army troops haha.
The guide said that Saigon streets are narrow because of the way the French built them, which I think is true for European design (France, Italy come to mind and they use motos) and as such the moto is used instead of cars. A used moto is about $200USD (and if I knew before I would have gotten one haha) and new range from $600-$6,000USD. I'd like to sit and watch the country side go by but I got a few hours of sleep last night so we'll see. Guide also said area was mainly rice paddies and I thought it was jungle and rubber tree plantations.
We turned into an industrial area outside Ho Chi Minh City. The guide said "Hello everybody. You are now..." and in my mind I filled in the blank... "Hostages!" haha. Honestly one minute we're on a nice busy road, the next we're taking bumpy short cuts behind buildings, so manys lefts and rights that nobody knows what the hell we're doing and we're being thrown around the bus that it felt we might have been hostages. We stopped and took a break but it was preplanned. We were in a factory that makes tourist stuff, but the workers were all disabled people from various wars. Some had napalm scars and burns, blown off arms and legs, brith defects from herbicides sprayed to kill Vietnam's thick jungles and so on. The stuff they did was so awesome though! I mean they had a vase and yea it was nice but flat black. They more or less turned black paint into marble and painted dragons, tigers on it, added sprinkles and glass and it was friggen amazing. Go to a flea market and I'm sure you'll find the kind of art I'm talking about. I took some pictures but this was a 15 minute break trying to get us to open our wallets. Cool yes, but if I'm opening my wallet I'm donating to the Temple or buying something at Cu Chi. Wonder how much the guides make from sending hundreds of tourists to a shitty factory but full of amazing stuff. I wished we went to the Zippo factory so I could get some accurate zippos made. I'd be their supervisor, work on the art, make the dates, units and places make sense haha.
We hopped back onboard and had two hours of driving to a temple we'd only spend 30 minutes at. I guess thats how you feel going from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon.
The Temple was great! So beautiful! It was the most beautiful building I've ever been in! So many colours, scuptures, textures, patterns and it even had a night time sky with stars looking into heaven. Just so much at onces your brain has to catch up to your eyes! At first I was looking for a place off holy ground to dig, get a bottle of nice Tay Ninh dirt and have it pass as Katum dirt. It's the same AO so I won't lose any sleep. I had my shovel to dig but there were red dust particles just about to turn into stones so I just grabbed though. A moto driver gave me a funny look but I've mastered the art of ignoring drivers haha. Happy with my rocks I went into the temple, took my boots off like everyone else and you couldn't describe how breathe taking it was. I took pictures of everything, walked it's length and back, headed upstairs, saw the Temple musicians and at 12 there was mass. They did mass four times a day, 6am, noon, 6pm, midnight. I recorded some of the mass ceremony but had to leave as our bus was leaving 15 minutes after the start, as if that makes any sense. Now what I understand it's a new religon that combines Buddahism, Taoism and Confucianism. I can't get into the details but the Lonely Planet book says the goal is to break out of reincarnation. Whatever works for you, go do it. Still a cool experience and I donated 10,000VND to them. The sad thing though is that during the American War they didn't side with the Viet Cong, the terrorist organization killing people who wanted democracy and trying to force communism on a country. Because of that, the followers of this religion were slaughtered, had their eldars killed or re-educated until they were powerless and stole their land. Finally in 1980 when the religion was no threat to the communist government they were allowed to practice their religion, and I bet only if they can be used as a tourist attraction.
We had lunch in Tay Ninh afterwards, some small tiny place that probably paid the agency to drag a bus of westernerns into its doors everyday haha. I got chicken and fries and it was piss poor haha but I shut up and at it. Then we headed off towards Cu Chi! If you're in the Tay Ninh area though, there's something that follows you everywhere you go. Her name is Black Lady Mountain, aka Black Virgin Mountain (I know Sean's read the book), aka Nui Ba Den. This is the biggest mountain south of central Vietnam or in more detail, south of Da Lat which is in the central highlands. It's so big it stands out from everywhere haha. I took some pics and clouds are trying to scrape themselves over it haha. The US held the top and used it for radio communication (comms) but the enemy owned the base of the mountain and once in a while the US would have to clean the mountain when the enemy got too close to the mountain top.
We made it to Cu Chi, and let me tell you, while planning this trip, Cu Chi is one of the things I'm most excited about. The reason is that if I was in Vietnam and not a combat medic, I'd be a tunnel rat. A tunnel rat is a short soldier who volunteers to enter a tunnel knowing that it's full of booby traps, bugs, bats, rats, snakes and other people who live in the tunnel trying to kill them. The work in small teams and honestly I think it's the bravest... wait, yesterday's blog I went though all this, it's okay though but yea, this was going to be fucking amazing. We pay for our ticket and have to go though an underground tunnel (relax, more like a subway than a dirt tunnel) and when you come over the other side, everyone that's asian is either dressed as the Viet Cong or North Vietnamese Army, so there goes any cultural sensitivities! Made me feel a bit better having a US rucksack, doo-rag, shovel to beat anything I found in the tunnel and flashlight. But I mean think of all the US, Australian, South Korean, Thai troops that saw their buddies die in those tunnels. If I dressed up in full uniform and marched down main street in Hanoi I'd be arrested. But yea, we get in, any veteran within sight is shocked and we go into a long house showing a map of Cu Chi district and a 1960's commie video on how little girls were heros for killing American troops trying to stop an unwanted violent force from existing in South Vietnam. Kill those who are trying to kill you because you're bad hahaha. Sorry haha. It seems that some of it is actual combat video and you see some 173rd Airborne guys get killed. How do I know? Well let me tell you...
The 173rd Airborne Brigade was obviously airborne, they jumped from the sky when needed. They didn't have tanks but at the time they did bring the M56 Self Propelled Anti-Tank (SPAT) vehicles. It was more or less a 90mm cannon on tank tracks, but no armour to protect the crew. Only the 173rd Airborne had these and within a few months they were sent back to the US and exchanged for M113 Armor Personel Carriers. The SPAT's had firepower, but not much to aim it at as the enemy fluidly moved though the jungle like ghosts. It would be handy against bunkers but the heavy weapons squad carried a 90mm recoilless rifle, so the SPAT went home. Anyways you see a couple get lit up after some kids plant anti-tank mines. Fine then kids, no chiclettes for you out of my ration pack! The video mentioned that women and children were used in the local armies, so technically it's not illegal to kill them. The only downside is you have to wait until a cute little kid asks for your help, and then throws grenades at you, then its fair to kill them. Honestly, and this is just me, but after seeing this movie, I felt hatred. Pure hatred for what I saw happening. Seeing that shit made it alright in my mind to justify some actions the US did, such as water boarding, throwing prisoners out of helicopters, horrible things in revenge. Crazy how the mind works. Anyways I recorded the video on my camera if anyone wants to watch and listen to that crap. Later saw the dvd in the gift shop, yea I'll save my Dong for ammo at the firing range.
...Wow... Deja Vu moment. Sorry this is so random, but typing that sentence out, the song that's on (listening to Chicago) on a laptop and the image that popped into my head. I dreamt of this at least 5 years ago and it's just sinking in. Alright, back to normal...
So after that we went into the jungle. I had my 1.5L bottle of water and my e-tool and flashlight on my other hip, ready to rock. We walk to a spot and we're asked if we see anything. To the normal eye no, but to the well trained tunnel rat eye I saw the tunnel enterance! They popped it oven and it's maybe 15" X 10" wide. They asked for volunteers and I know! I know when anyone asks for volunteers you don't be the first! So some Fillipino kid volunteers and gets in. As soon as he's in, they closed the door and he figures it out that he's stuck it sounded like Kenny from Southpark was talking all muffled haha. Oh, and by this time I'm already getting my shovel and flashlight ready haha. Again my shovel isn't to dig a new tunnel, but to kill anything I find in my way, even that Fillipino kid... Naw they let him out and before they asked again I'm half way down the hole, like in Forrest Gump, as soon as Lt Dan's grenade goes off Gump's face first, pistol in one hand, flashlight in the other diving in the hole. I did the same and I was ordered to go 50m to the exit and come back up to our next stop. I'm in and the German girl I met earlier she grabbed what I dropped and carried it for me.
Alright... this is my moment. This is my little slice of Vietnam, I get to pretend I'm a tunnel rat and I'm going into detail for educational reasons...
You get in, the door is shut behind you. Pitch black abyss. You smell stale air, maybe a little moist because there's rotting leaves on the ground. This tunnel is under 40" tall so no standing like my last tunnel in Long Phuoc near Vung Tau and no electricity either. All you can do is squat. I could have crawled but there was no need and I didn't know what was with the rotting leaves. So you get in, turn on the flashlight. I had my red lense on my flashlight, as the red lense won't damage your nightvision. Well that was the first thing I did. I took off the red lense as you can't see shit. Next a tunnel rat would scan the ground looking for tripwires and creepy crawlies. Once that's clear you check the walls. After that, the ceiling. If it's clear you take a step forward and repeat. By the way the tunnel rat would only have a pistol (pros used .38cal but for an FNG .45cal worked but made you go deaf due to the blast leaving the gun as the .45cal bullet is more powerful). They'd also have a flashlight and a bayonet. The bayonet could be a backup if your out of ammo, but you never want that so it's mainly used as a probe. If you see something odd on the ground floor, use the bayonet to probe it and you'd unearth a landmine, find secret doors or pits you were suppose to fall into. Anything more than that is too much as you can't fit anything else in there. Today I found out first hand. So I'm scanning and moving, scan, take a step, scan, etc. I get about 30ft and my flashlight goes off. I'm in pitchblack again. Sadly I've practiced how to change a lightbulb in pitchblack, just for fun haha. Luckily it only needed a shake. The flashlight I mean. So I'm going, get to about 50ft and turn a corner. Something is on the roof looking back at me and I turned the light off. I'm hoping I scared it and it's going back, this is while I'm taking a few steps back. After a few seconds I turn it on again, the flashlight and turn the corner. Now if this was real, I would have fired 3 shots from my revolver. I could have fired all six but you only fire three. Why? If you fire all six shots that gives whatever your shooting at maybe six seconds to run towards you as your reloading. If you fire three, back up and with your free hand get more ammo, you still have trhee shots to fire and waiting for that thing to come around the corner. Anyways I peak around the corner, and it moved back, but not far. By it, I mean a vampire bat. WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME!?! First the fucking spider, now a bat that could be carrying rabies or bat AIDS or something haha. So I go to reach for my only defense, the shovel. Well it's not there! I had to take it off to get into the tunnel and was only handed my flashlight! Fuck! Alright, well I can't throw my flashlight because if I did, I'd be blind for the next 50m and I'm so not fucking doing that hahahaha. I had nothing else and if I had my shovel, I'd huck it at that bastard for all it's worth. All the bats worth since I friggen know that shovel cost me 500,000VND yesterday and I'm not happy about that. Bought a shovel to kill shit in a tunnel with and now that I need to kill some shit I don't have the shovel! GRRR!!!! Alright, what can I do!? I can't run past it like the spider and it's beedie soul-less eyes creeping me out. I don't know what it's thinking! Maybe it's thinking of rushing me, getting tangled in my hair and doorag. Maybe it'll go behind me, turn into Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldmen, David Carridine, Peter Fonda, Gerard Butler or any other creepy Vampire and suck my blood!? By the way, I'm thinking this over since I want to go on, but I thought the best thing to do is withdrawl, regroup and replan. I fucking went back pissed off and I popped open the tunnel enterance. Now, if this was real, it would have gotten me killed! If you pop out of a door, even if your own troops are guarding it you will get lit up. Friendly fire. What tunnel rats would do is be near the exit and sing a song only US troops would know. I've heard of a case where "Swing low sweet chariot" was whistled. If you know it's your own guys and not a new tunnel exist you could cautiously open the door with your hand slowly so the troops can hear you sing. So I fucking pop outta the enterance and I'm surrounded by Vietnamese in uniform!!! OH NO!!! I opened a tunnel exit to 1967!!!!!! Alright it was a few other tour guides in their VC uniforms, unarmmed and showing another group the enterance. Made for a cool photo op though. Guide talking, asks if anyone sees anything, then two white arms gripping a green flashlight and a white face, brown hair with a doorag and 60's glasses pops out! (Maybe that's what I can do, be the surprised American leaving the tunnel because I have no honour and the mighty children of Cu Chi made me run away and give up fighting so that the Viet Cong can take over and slaughter everyone who wanted democracy!!!! Okay, I'm done haha).
So I rejoin my group. I'm covered in sweat and just crawled 50m so I'm out of breathe. They were waiting for me at the exit and I finally panted out... bats... and they all took a step back and totally understood why I didn't make it haha. We walked to various long houses, more or less grass huts to see different displays. The first one was the different kinds of booby traps and actually only focused on falling traps. So there's a trap where you step in a hole, your leg hits a chain and it lauches 4 steel spears into your leg in a downward angle. This way when you try and pull it out it makes things worse. Then there's one where you fall in and it's not just a pit of speers pointing up, but as you fall, your legs hit a piece of wood. This piece of wood swings and moves steel rods into your chest and face. Then there's one trap with two rolling pins but with... you guessed it, spikes and their spaced apart so that your whole body, not just your leg falls through. 90% of us were imagening this and cringing. 10% including the Vietnamese tour guide were laughing and I was distgusted it not by the trap, which was gruesome, but by the guide's conduct. Let's say I'm 65 and I served with the 25th Infantry Division in 1966 which would base me in, any guesses? Cu Chi District. Let's also say for fun I'm Texan. You got a fight on your hands and one pissed off American. Rightly so.
We saw how the Viet Cong (VC) took bombs that the US dropped and which didn't explode and re-use them to make their own land mines and explosive. Smart but so god damn dangerous. I wouldn't be surpsied if 75% of those UnExploded Ordinance (UXO) retrievers died doing that job. It also showed a lady cutting up bamboo into stakes. By the way the VC also would smear frog poison or shit (shit-shit I mean) on the tips of stakes so that whoever landed on it wouldn't just be hurt, but the wounds would be infected and they would be in the hospital for months longer. Poor Billy just wanted some extra money for a Pontiac Firebird, not festering wounds and a limp for the rest of his life. We barely checked out a few more rooms like the hospital, kitchen, sewing room and we made it to the firing range haha. Now when they asked if anyone wanted to buy some ammo I knew all eyes turned to me and I said no. WHY!? WHY WOULD JAY SAY NO TO FIRING VIETNAM ERA GUNS, LEGALLY, ON VACATION!?!?! Well it's $1 a bullet and I could easily go through thousands of rounds. EASILY! I could be there all day and all night and have them load up the tracer rounds so I was watch the green and red bullets zip into the night. Tracer bullets are bullets that when they explode give off a colour (US ammo fire red, Commie ammo fire green. Odd that Commie's ammos wouldn't be red!?) so at night it not only looks cool but you can watch the bullet hit its target, or if it misses you can adjust it. For every 4 bullets there is 1 tracer, so a 20-round M16 magazine has 4 red tracers and 15 regular bullets. But yes, I didn't fire any weapons because I know I'm coming back at the end of my trip, and when I do, I'm going to go out with a bang, well more than one. We'll see :)
After the range is a gift shop and it has the normal stuff. Helicopters made out of beer cans, Zippo lighters with wrong units in wrong places in wrong times (at least these places said Cu Chi, just none of the units served there haha) and we got a chance to all go in a tunnel. These tunnels are widened so more people can fit and ever 25m there was an exit. The further you went, the smaller it got but as I had all my crap (yea, Forbsey and his stuff) I bugged out at 50m's. The furthest it went was I think 160m and before I leave Vietnam, I'm going through that shitty underground tunnel with the bat and all 160m of the other tunnel (which had no bugs and wasn't covered in shit, it was nice and clean!) and after that I think I've earned the right to wear the Tunnel Rat patch as it is the closest thing as I can possibly do in this world to being a 1960's Vietnam Tunnel Rat. If you can parachute and have earned the right to wear jump wings at a re-enacting event, or do the Special Forces RECONDO (a course for re-enactors based on a Vietnam War school course, being put through the closest tests as possible) and wear the patch, I think doing this Tunnelling would be acceptable to wear the patch, but I gotta check with the guys haha. Still have one more tunnel system to do in Vietnam though. We went past various gift shops and most stuff was crap but I got a series of photos from 1960-1975 of Cu Chi Tunnels for 60,000VND/$3CDN and next time I go I'll get their 2nd book. I was mad I didn't fully complete the tunnel but next time I'll have my shovel, I'll have my parachute knife and a flashlight, nothing else and I'll be unstoppable. You'd have to put Ho Chi Minh himself down there to stop me, and I'd simply have to gnaw through his bones, just like a Rat haha
Not much else happened. Got home, picked up a Communist Propaganda of some VC punching Richard Nixon for Josh, went to the bank to get a cash advance on my Visa and I stood in line. Well some girl walks in after me and cuts in front of me. What the hell? So I wait in line and the teller sees me and knows I'm there. Well someone else walks in and cuts in front of me too! What the fuck!? Finally figured it out. They aren't being jerks but that's how it rolls in Vietnam. No order, no line. Same thing happened at the post office. Well I'm not afraid to push an old man in public, so look out cause I got other shit I need to be doing too. If you can cut in front of me, guess what sucka?! That's right, Monkey see, Monkey do. Oh, and on that cash advance I was told "No." When asked what No meant I didn't get an answer so tomorrow morning I'll try it at a new bank. Might be that I wanted to take out my second advance out in 24 hours at the same bank. I guess $2,000,000 isn't a lot to take out of the bank everyday. I'll have to start being gangsta, maybe take out 4,000,000. I was low on cash so I ate at KFC and came back here. Tomorrow I'm staying in town, ship out all my christmas shopping (Yea, everyone is done and therefore cut off. You get what I ship) and maybe book a tour for the Mekong Delta. The main thing I want to do down there is a boat ride. Little boat, twisty creek, vegitation everywhere, silently floating along, barely making a ripple and then CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK-CHUCK of a .50cal M2 opens up on the treeline and yea I'm kidding. Just a nice, peaceful float in the middle of nowhere in a country of 84 million. Done! Oh god three hours of typing! But at least now it's there forever. Take a shower, wash the dirt off me and to bed. Pics are up too. Night y'all
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